Dear future husband,
How are you? I hope you’re doing just fine. Today is Heart’s Day (also known as Valentine’s Day). But I’m dating nobody. I don’t want to date anybody ‘romantically’ because I’m being faithful to you, even though I haven’t met you yet. Yes, as early as now, you can be assured of my faithfulness. Even while we’re still apart and letting God mold us into the man and woman He wants us to become. No, I won’t’ be entertaining any ‘flings’–I want to keep my purity in all aspects. I will follow the song written by King Solomon, that I shall not awaken love until the time is right. (Song of Songs 8:4) And I’m willing to wait until God’s perfect time for us finally comes. I’m praying that you’re also doing the same, but if not… I am mad at you! But I’ll just forgive you when we’ve finally meet.
I can see couples being sweet everywhere I go. Vendors of chocolates, teddy bears; heart balloons and of course, bouquets, are in every corner of the street. Not to mention the sudden increase of their prices. Like the usual price of a single red rose- It’s just around P20-P25, but today the cost skyrockets to P100-P150. Whew! That’s already a good meal at my favorite restaurant! So I don’t mind if someday, instead of buying me a bouquet, we’re just going to eat at a good restaurant (Of course having both dinner and a grand bouquet, is better!) Yes, as early as now, I’m letting you know that I’m this demanding. I’m not afraid to let you know that, because I know God is already preparing you for the kind of woman that I am. Hahahahah!
But to be honest, I still tend to get a little bit ‘bitter’ and ‘envious’ at the same time for being single on a Valentine’s day. I feel even worse seeing younger people (as young as grade 7, or even elementary students) who have dates and are being surprised by their boyfriends, using their friends as kasabwat! And here I am, a college student who’s about to graduate, single. Plus the pressure from my relatives bugging me with questions: “Don’t you have a date today?” “Are you a lesbian, that’s why you don’t have a boyfriend?”. I feel like I’m answering a Miss Universe’ pageant question. And instead of explaining myself, I’m just going to give them my usual sweet smile and say “Wala pa po eh. Di pa sya dumating.” Then as I arrived at school, I could see my classmates, and even my students receiving their own Valentine’s Day gift. All I could ever do is be happy for them.
But I’m not going to fix my attention on these emotions–because I know if I did, I’ll just feel bad. That’s why I’m choosing to look on the brighter side. I’m reminding myself that IT IS OKAY. It’s okay because I’m not waiting in vain. I just truly believe that YOU ARE WORTH IT. I’m not waiting for you just because I want someone to give me chocolates and flowers, or so that I could post on my social media with our pictures (plus a cheesy caption). Those are all good, but I consider those as ‘bonuses’ and not really goals. Rather, I’m waiting for someone whom I can grow with, for I know you are not perfect (and same here). So together, we’ll learn from our mistakes and use it to be better in the future. Someone who doesn’t just give me butterflies in my stomach, but who I’m comfortable with to just be myself — knowing my darkest side and would still accept me. Someone I eagerly want to listen to, because I learn a lot from his revelations–but at the same time, who’s willing to listen to my endless rants when I’m burnt-out from my work, or just really being moody. I’m waiting for someone who doesn’t just inspire me to be a better person, but leads me to the next level with my relationship with God. We’ll pray together and read the bible together.
And lastly, I’m waiting for a man who doesn’t just love me, but who is spirit-filled, for I know your love alone will not be enough to accept my imperfection. I know I will not be easy to love. There will be times that you’ll not understand my tantrums or that I’ll be too needy and petty. There will be moments that I’ll be discouraged and will be tempted to give up. But I’m praying that the Holy Spirit will be your Paraclete, to enable you to stick with me no matter what. (*chuckles*)
I don’t know how many years we still need to wait. But let’s not focus on that; rather let’s focus in going deeper with our relationship God. Let it not become the main desires of our hearts and just surrender it all to Him. For if it’s really His will, fate shall make a way for us to meet when we’re both ready for it.
Your Future Wife