From a Suicidal to Surrendered Life


This is Alyssalyn Estaloza. We call her “Lai“.

She is one of my life group members. At the age of 15, she was a suicidal. Her scars are the proofs that she tried to kill herself, not just once but many times.The cause? Broken hearted. Her girlfriend left her. Yes, she was bisexual.

This was when we celebrated her 18th b-day with a “girly” theme.

She had boyfriends but also girlfriends. She thought that killing herself was the solution to end the pain she was feeling at that moment. She felt that no one could give her that same ‘love’ she felt from her ex, thinking that not even her mum could ever replace that.

You see, love doesn’t hurt…
loving the wrong person does.

But little did she know that God was not yet done with her and He still had many plans for her. Then she came to know the Lord and decided to surrender her life to Him.

Jen (left) and her (right) preaching in our Encounter God Retreat about Sin List.

She realized that the love she was looking for is God himself. When she encountered the Lord,she turned from her old life 180°! Not because she was required to, but because she felt the unconditional love of the Father. That no matter how great her sins were, God still accepted and loved her, complete with all of her brokenness.

Although, it was never an easy road for her. Even though she’s already a believer, sometimes the nightmare of her past still haunts her. She had a hard time to wearing “women’s clothes” and in acting the way women do. But by the grace of God, she is changing from glory to glory. And now, she’s already a life group leader and a minister. She’s being used by God mightily!

Indeed, nothing is impossible with the Lord. And that He doesn’t call the qualified, but qualifies the called! He can use anybody, no matter how broken they are.

To all people out there who are feeling hopeless, this is my encouragement to you:


He has a wonderful plan for your life! It says in Jeremiah 29:11 that God’s plan for you is to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He created you for a purpose. You have a mission to fulfill.

I know you’re tired looking for that love that will complete you. You’re tired of pretending that you’re okay but deep inside, you’re crying for help. You want to have rest of everything that’s pressuring you.

Just come to Him. He has been waiting for you all this time.

It is never too late to have a fresh start again with your loving Father.


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