While Mandy Moore and Shane West had their “A walk to remember”, which really made us all cry our eyes out. I also have mine, just kind of different in a way — “a heartbreak to remember”, which maybe won’t make you cry, but hopefully you’ll learn something from it.
Sad to say, I was a victim of this thing called “mutual-understanding”. We were okay of what we had back then, even though we don’t have a label. We didn’t have our “monthsarry”. We don’t (and can’t) expose “us” in public or on social media. When people ask what we were, our answer was simple — friends. We were committed to each other; treated each other as someone special, but without any labels.
For years we were like this and we were happy. We really didn’t have any plans to cut it off. Until he decided to leave.
During those moments, I begged him not to leave me yet because I was also struggling with other areas of my life –family, ministry, discipleship and etc. All I ever needed that time was someone I can lean on to. But still, he left.
I thought people who are broken hearted were just overreacting when they say that they want to commit suicide, just to end the pain. But I was wrong- the pain was just too much to bear and being emotionally shattered, the only solution you could think of is to die.
But my story didn’t end there. PRAISE GOD.
For almost a month, I cried day and night. But God is always faithful to let me feel His comfort. And faithful enough to heal my broken heart.
It was a heartbreak to remember not because of the pain that it brought me, but because of the lessons I learned from it, and how it made me a better person now.
First, I learned that I should only depend on God alone. I was so dependent on him, which was totally wrong, that’s why when he left I was so devastated. I made him the center of my life and forgot my relationship with God. I expected a lot from him, only to have these expectations fail because he’s just human. He could never complete me–only God can. I believe the Lord also let it happen so that we would both find our way back home to Him.
Second, I learned not to settle for something that is just good enough. Rather, I’ve learned to wait for the best. Just like what I’ve told, we were already content with what we had then — committed but without any labels. But God’s plan for me-for us-is not like that. He said in Jerem.29:11 “plans to prosper you and not to harm you…” And this applies in every aspect of our lives, even in our love life.
I also realized my worth. And that I should never beg for anyone to stay in my life. I raised my standards and promised myself never again will I’d lower my standards. I will wait because it’s worth it; he’s worth it.
I believe God has prepared someone for each one of us. That man or woman who’ll love us the way He loves us. And not only that, but also will bring us closer with our relationship with Him. No need to rush. He/she will come at God’s perfect timing.
And lastly, I learned that there’s more to life. To be married with someone you love is good, but it’s not the main goal. And instead of letting the pain kill me, I used it to be stronger and braver. I focused on letting God mold me into the woman He had destined me to be. I learned to maximize my season. I became all out with my ministry and discipleship. I started to have real goals in life. And more importantly, I became closer with God.
It was really a Romans 8:28 moment.
It was a blessing disguised as heartbreak.
“BUT AS FOR THE ENEMY, HE MEANT EVIL AGAINST ME, BUT GOD MEANT IT FOR GOOD…” (Genesis 50:20)
If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same struggle, I pray that God will give you the strength and courage that you need to keep moving forward.
Just endure the pain for now. You have to go through the process. And the promise of God is that He will be with you–you’re not fighting alone.
Let the pain mold you into a better person and bring you closer to God.
If you need a friend or someone you want to talk with, I’m more than willing to help you. Just reach me through my social media accounts or email me. For I know how hard it is to be stuck in that kind of situation, alone.
Ate Jervy 💕
All glory to God alone!
P.S.: I’ll write a separate blog on the moving on process 🙂